Fear of Missing Out: Meaning(s), Psychology, And Tips to Deal with It, aka FOMO

What is Fear of missing out (FOMO)? The meaning/ answer of this question, although we don’t have asked ourselves, we still have experienced this feeling at some point in time, and so its understanding is very much sought. In this blog, we shall impart complete knowledge about the psychology behind it, will see what causes fear of missing out, and how to deal with it.

In that case, let’s see if the fear of missing out aka FOMO is real or not, and what to do if it comes up in the future.

Fear of Missing Out: Meaning(s), Psychology, And Tips to Deal with It, aka FOMO 

Meaning(s)

An elementary school student grumbles to his father "He wanted to join football coaching class", a recently graduated boy sighs disappointedly looking at a superbike his friend has, an adolescent girl turns sad knowing she wasn't invited by her school friend on her birthday party, a middle-class family man blames himself for not giving enough time to family, a cultured housewife tries to confine her desires to establish an identity since her corporate friends had it all, an aged couple misses out on an opportunity for pilgrimage, and an aspiring entrepreneur is suffering from "Bandwagon effect" (Doing what others were doing, irrespective of risks and outcomes involved).

All these emotions look familiar, yes? Well, these all are the different versions of FOMO, and there are even more! 

Bluntly speaking, "I don't have what others have, and what others have is better, bigger, more meaningful, and pleasantly rewarding. I miss doing something that others are doing, that, it is extremely essential and I will be guilty if not done", is the unadmitted expression FOMO feeds on. And why so? Just because we want to stay "Connected"!

This phenomenon has a deeper sense of personal insecurity, regret, and envy. Also, it has a perspective that throws a person into a compulsive behavior to satisfy his/her "Need to belong" belief.      

If put in scholarly words, "FOMO is a set of unwanted emotions, fundamentally the anxiety, apprehension, and guilt, felt when the person misses out on "Should be" kind of things (Events, items, happenings, or benefits).

Evolution of FOMO

Much back in time, when Hunter-Gatherers chased their food and one group succeeded to have enough while others lost it, the losers condemned themselves, and it was an emotion very nearer to the feeling of missing out. 

A regretful face

However, FOMO, back then, and even now is essential as long as our survival instincts are concerned. There is nothing wrong with feeling it when it is all about survival, hunger, and reproduction. Hunter-Gatherers used it to survive and now, it has prospered out of fabricated exhibitions, unreal achievements, and flaunted lifestyles showcased in a six-inch electronic device via excellently programmed algorithms. We call them "Social Media". Ok, but how the phrase came up? 

• 1996: Dr. Dan Herman, the marketing strategist, first identified the phenomenon in his research paper.

• 2004: American author, Patrick J. McGinnis coined the phrase in the magazine of Harvard Business School, The Harbus.

• Dr. Erin Vogel, a psychology professor, emphasizes that the feeling of missing out has existed much longer, that “Humans want to feel like we’re included like we belong to a group”.

• In fact, the word was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013.

However, the credit for the phrase goes to the earlier two for putting this acronym into our lexicon.

Few related terms 

• FOBO (Fear of Better Options): Fearing that you are missing out on better alternatives.

• MOMO (Mystery of Missing Out): Fearing that you are missing out but do not know what

• ROMO: (Reality of Missing Out): You know that you aren't missing out on anything.

• JOMO (Joy of Missing Out): This is the opposite of FOMO.

The FOMO connections

💭Loss-proof mindset: "Loss is more valuable than equal gain", this mindset overweighs the positive feeling that comes with not missing out on something than missing out on something. Sometimes, missing out on something is truly blissful. For example, Manushi Chhillar, despite being the daughter of doctor parents didn't miss out on keeping her medical legacy and continuing her MBBS study, rather she chose equal gain of becoming an actress, model, and the winner of the Miss World 2017 pageant.

💭Disconcerting emotions: Insecurity, Guilt, and Regret often augment the intensity of FOMO and work as the strongest triggers, not only in the present but in the future as well. For example, a teen is feeling like "Oh! All have smartphones (Insecurity), But I don't have one (Guilt), and so I must have one!? (Regret)".

💭24/7 online teens: Frankly, FOMO doesn't discriminate people on the bases of their social profile. It affects all. But as long as adolescents are concerned, they are the most vulnerable portion of society. Self-image creation, competitive behaviors, and low self-esteem make them easy victims of FOMO. All this is not just because they are teens, but reckless usage of social media and their unaddressed behaviors too, play a major role. 

However, teens and young people are not the only ones who experience FOMO just because they savor online social networking sites and have the unsettling urge to connect, but there are other age groups too, who avidly use social media and have many offline social networking sites where they compete.

💭Social maladjustment: There is a specific group of people who feel uncomfortable when they expose themselves socially. They feel loneliness but don't accept it. Rather, they choose a virtual scenario to feel connected, social media, offering FOMO a chance to overcome them.

💭Dopamine exploiters: The word might appear too metaphoric, but its citation here explains how FOMO has exploited this hormone in order to encroach into the lives of avid social media users. 

Before 2004 we almost had undocumented lives; except in a very limited circle nobody ever knew how others were doing better? Who did the party? Who was on vacation? Who brought the car? Who went for foreign study? Who achieved what? Or sarcastically quoting we didn't know who with are we supposed to compare, since it became mandatory after we registered ourselves on social media platforms to start with. 

And this was just the advent of one such site that people welcomed with wide arms and pretended that they were connected. A tool to satisfy their very basic human instincts (Staying connected and needing to belong) was in their hand; easily available, affordable, accessible, and manipulatable at any time. What then? 

There came the explosion of such social networking tools which crowned every other social media user, generated a fabricated reward system with their powerful algorithm for them, and used their dopamine saying, "Don't miss out on anything". And over time, "Not missing on anything" became real, we got habitual, and eventually our dopamine reserves started depleting. A major turnaround! Let's say the system backfired!! This was when FOMO collaborated with such sites, exploited users' shallow dopamine levels, and tossed them into a pool of anxiety, apprehension, and insecurity. Now, "Not missing out on anything" has transformed into "Fear of missing out" when we see no/fewer likes, no/fewer comments, or scanty followers on our posts and proliferated accounts of others. 

Clearly, FOMO and dopamine are inversely related here. So, problematic savoring of social media certainly summons FOMO, however, this can be prevented by not falling into the vicious cycle (Habit loop)

This association is authentically concluded in a study by (Fioravanti et al., 2021) in the scientific journal Computers in Human Behavior.

Agreed, FOMO existed long before, but it lacked motivation! But ever since the social media revolution offered it the opportunities, it scaled up using the steps offered by different social media platforms time to time.

Summing up, all such and many more eat up the dopamine of users with instant gratification, and as mentioned early, "When dopamine is low, FOMO will always be there".  

Hence, are you anxiously waiting for a prompt? Yes? then beware, it could be FOMO.

Choose only one fruit!

💭A basket full of fruits: You are too hungry, and you are asked to pick up any one fruit from the basket, but the basket is full of a hundred fruits to choose from. Which will you choose? You will choose the most delicious one but miss those ninety-nine. Using fruits as an example was a way to explain that we have been offered numerous social media sites to gratify ourselves, but we can't have that gratification but only FOMO, because, one way or another, today or tomorrow, due to tons of options available, we will still be hungry, we will always miss something!  

💭Dishonest self-portrayal: As per Dale Carnegie (The author of the famous book "How to win friends and influence people") self-importance is the primary desire of humans, and the idea is undisputable in all sense. Who doesn't want to look big, better, and beautiful? Who doesn't want to feel successful, happy, and be on the top of the world? 

This is all ok, it is a natural trait, but when it comes to the portrayal of self, the attempt must be honest.

But who does that? On the contrary, people, especially teens and young resort to all the possible filtration on social media sites to flaunt their appearances and compare themselves with the looks of other people. They immensely check their accounts to see if he/she has ranked up or not.

Such behaviors fire up the fear of missing out on a like or comment!

Well, let's just not accuse social media of being the only collaborator of FOMO, there are some other occasions when a feeling of being left out too, triggers FOMO. For example, you went to a party where you otherwise would not go, because on Monday you didn't want to miss out on gossip. You feared you will miss it if you didn't go. There are such countless instances where FOMO hits you, but among all, problematic use of social media is the prime feeder of FOMO.

Psychology of FOMO

The deep-rooted motive that drives FOMO is a fundamental human need- A sense of belonging (Social hunger). When we are socially connected, bonded, and have properly healthy relationships, we feel less stress and get relief. But when we are not connected, we still chase for options, offline or online, and choose the easiest way (The law of least effort, as narrated by James Clear in his book "Atomic Habits"), because, we are wired like that since inception. 

Our choice then on earns us FOMO which elicits anxiety and activates the "Flight or fight" response. Hankering for relief, we again jump back to our photographic/ video-graphics worlds filled with terabits of fake expressions, disloyal portrayals, and deceptive inspirations. There, we multiply our FOMO again.

The product of FOMO then manifests in the form of low life satisfaction, distress, and depression.

If, in the present situation, FOMO has a home, then it is our smartphones, but its manifested body lives in our minds!     

12 ways to deal with FOMO 

To deal with FOMO, we need to make it homeless, powerless, and worthless; saying, exiling it from its home (Smart electronic devices) and taming it in our minds where it lives. Let's say we could exile it from our smartphones (But how?), yet it shall live in our minds and try to prevail. 

Therefore, it's not the online solutions only that we should seek to deal with it, offline solutions too, are of the same importance. 

1: Acceptance is the Key: Engrave this irrefutable fact in your mind that in life, at any given point in time, someone will always be bigger, better, beautiful, successful, healthier, scholarly, and wealthier than you. No matter how much you scale up, even in internal enlightenment, someone will always be happier, more peaceful, and more contented than you, let alone the external achievements. And so, there is no point in comparing yourself to others and missing out on the attributes of others.

2: Fear on missing out of breath: Yes! try it. Try to fear missing out of breathing! Sounds scary, does it not? But we don't fear on missing out it. Why? Because breathing is a thing we have taken for granted, and so goes with heartbeats as well. 

We lack profoundly in appreciating things, paying gratitude, and feeling blissful when it comes to actual living. Inversely, we find the values in the lives of others and addict ourselves to amplifying the image of the unpossessed, forgetting our own identity. Be immensely grateful for what you have and the fear of missing out shall be tamed automatically.

Be clear: Write what you think...

3: Write it up: Got a journal yet? No? Then do it now, since nothing gives as much clarity, slowness, and freedom as an act of writing down can offer you. It not only settles you but also sends positive vibes, eases your anxiety, and asks you "As if what you actually missing out? What you want is all on these pages"! It teaches you gratitude and defines your own world.

4: Slow down and honor yourself: Look, today takes what it takes to change into tomorrow. Similarly, you shall too, take the time for what it takes to change into something better. Then why hurry! Slow down, take a breath, and preach to yourself that what you have, what you do, what you are, and what you will be, will be your choice and hard work. And believe that the choices you made are correct and worthy. Because YOU matter!

5: Draw yourself: When you hold a pencil and try to draw yourself, what kind of portrait will you make? You will try the best version of yours to come up with. The point is, instead of fearing missing out on the beauties of other people if you define your rules and principles, limitations, ideology, and way of life, then you will entice yourself in living the present life. 

Learn to say no to toxins, focus on what is organically worthy and rewarding, savor the real moments in life, tame your senses, and say yourself loudly that "I am enough"!

6: Not all fruits are yours: Firmly put this in your mind that you can't do it all! You do it as per your capacity. Everyone gets a fruit as per their right to deserve. So, every lively possession is a fruit and you shall have your own, just there is no need to miss on the fruits of others. Remember, the basket belongs to all!   

7: Step out: Unhook yourself from that six-inch smart device and step out to verify the ungroomed faces of the world. See, how much, in reality, the happiness, grandeur, achievements, and freedom they showcased on social media has got the soul and substances in them. And when you do it, you realize that you, in reality, miss nothing!

8: Prioritize the visible emotions: A real smile is always more captivating than a yellow smiley, a thumbs up has no value to a friendly patting, a visible complement is always more genuine than a GIF, and nothing is as inspiring as the comment of our loved ones than from those who we never have met, yet they comment on your achievement. And your life is truly meaningful if someone follows your footsteps and succeeds, and absolutely unworthy if you have followers only on social media. In fact, living a status is way better than posting it just to be admired.

Things are always beautiful on screen

9: Use JOMO (Joy of missing out): In exact opposition to FOMO, believe that "Grass is not always greener", and "Everything behind the screen is beautiful". So, prioritize your joy and have pride in living that present moment and dodging the temptation. Of course, you will miss so much, but here again, equal or even more gain in the form of your JOY matters way more.     

10: Find a retreat: As we mentioned earlier, FOMO has a home in smart devices, mainly our smartphones, and one of the hardest ways to find a retreat is to say no to "Nomophobia". Have no phone at all! But in a world filled with VIRTUALITY, simply not having a smartphone would be like an unwise decision. 

So? Next, you can delete all the social media applications that keep you enticed. No? Sounds like being too detached? Alright, let's just open them in browsers only and use the credentials every single time to use them. Frustrating, isn't it? But it can work, yes! Or, just program the time limits to those applications and open only at a specific time of the day, freeze them on weekends especially, and use only them to entertain you. 

11: The Habit change: Identify your cues that lead to smartphones and make them invisible (Tell your family members to hide your phone), and experiment with the rewards that come with social media usage (Do something else that is as rewarding as social media), or simply make your habit of binge-scrolling difficult (Use the browsers to log in if you have the phone) and unsatisfying (Turn off all the social media notifications). 

But this all comes with a big power of will, if you are not able to do this, then FOMO can never be exiled! And it will be with you forever. The choice is ours!

Even you can try Digital detox !!

12: Meditate: This helps a lot in relieving any anxiety that you might have attracted from FOMO. Tucking meditation into daily life can help break the vicious cycle of FOMO and so sending it to a gradual death.

The last three are the most effective and practical ways to deal with FOMO, provided you are optimally inclined and sufficiently motivated. 

👉The Insights from Phraseitup

Spend your Dopamine wisely. Yes! It is the only savior in the world filled with deceptive temptations, exploiting representations of others, and unproductive hands. As remarked earlier, in order to reduce the FOMO, give your dopamine a chance to make you feel real and worthy. Just save it anyhow (Ways to increase Dopamine). And as if social media (The exploiters) weren't enough, AI (Artificial intelligence) too, has collaborated with FOMO. This might not only spellbind the minds but also could numb the body since they are programmed to work for humans. Firstly, FOMO made us emulators, and then AI might just turn us into mindless sheep.

Take home message: Dopamine is the savior.

👉Video recommendation by Phraseitup: What It's Like Having FOMO 

Hope the blog served you better in understanding the Fear of missing out. If you liked it, kindly share your views in the comment sections.