How to Solve Generation Gap in the Family?

The generation gap is an endless social phenomenon that defines itself as expressive differences in thinking patterns, ideologies, life values, and POVs (Points of view) between two parties, very commonly between parent and child., but sometimes in-laws too.            

The age gap is one such determining factor that amplifies the problem of the generation gap in families. In fact, no matter which role you play, the generation gap between parent and child tends to prevail, and this widens when both parties try to uphold their principles and self-esteem. 

Less or more, we all have experienced this unsought discomfort and have managed to live with it, because no one wants to give up on the relationships. On the contrary, no party wants this, yet this exists. Well, there must be something super-motivating here that endangers relationships. Let's discover what it is! 

How to Solve Generation Gap in the Family?

The Root Cause

Apparently, the age gap seems to be the potential cause of the generation gap in families, but, it is the mental gap that makes the foundation for initial disagreement, which ranges from simple differences of opinion to utter separation and family dissolution. 

To begin with, different viewpoints strive to create impact, then they tempt to dominate, conflict proliferates, and finally, the outcome is disharmonized. Both parties then accept mutual detachment in order to save the relationship, and the gap widens.

Typical Flow of Conflict in Generation Gap

Disagreement 🠞 Argument 🠞 Misjudgment 🠞 Emotional detachment (Discord) 🠞 Verbal abuse 🠞 Establishment of gap and formation of mindset 🠞 Physical detachment 🠞 Relationship dissolution

Most conflicts end often at the level of emotional detachment and don't progress further, saving the relationship, but if the same flow is repeated over and over again, it is more likely that conflict will proceed beyond this and convert into verbal abuse. And at this level, relationships become critically fragile.

In the entire flow, discord is the breaking point!       

Is Generation Gap natural?

Yes, the Generation gap is a natural phenomenon. Research says one generation is always bound to be different from the other, and it is something that comes naturally.

How/why has this evolved?

Interestingly, our present population matrix is a blend of five different generations based on their birth year (The Baby Boomers – born 1946-1964, Gen X – born 1965-1979, Millennials – born 1980-1994, Gen Z – born 1995-2012, Gen Alpha – born 2013 – 2025). 

A span of almost 77 years, where a grandpa born in 1950 could still be arguing with his grandson of 12 years born in 2011 about not binge-watching the videogames. 

Every 15-20 years this blend learns about newer developments due to environmental advancements and outdates the older versions, while people, try to adjust to the happening change. The set of older versions tries to be in effect with the help of the older generation but newer versions always prevail as the change is accepted. 

Baby Boomers and Gen-X preferred face-to-face conversation and worked with no PC and Email. 

Gen-Y or Millennials (400 million +), the major workforce of today (46%), adopted older versions but also accepted the terms of never versions such as typewriters, color televisions, passenger vehicles, cordless telephones, and videogames. 

Gen- Z got full access to technology; their new versions included personal computers, mobile phones, and information technology.   

And Gen- Alpha is booming with virtual mindsets, millisecond connectivity, digitalization, internet money, memory outburst, and the latest one, Artificial intelligence.

The supplementary factors

Of course, technology plays a humongous role in setting mindsets away, but factors like experiences, beliefs, mistakes, attitudes, endless options, freedom, and emotional diversities too, supplement in widening the gap. Here are some examples to think about.  

1. A father insisting on doing a Fixed deposit prioritizes safety, but his son insisting on stocks prioritizes higher returns. Is any viewpoint wrong? None I guess. 

2. A tech girl insists on hiring a ride to run an errand because, to her, time is important, while her mother insists she takes a walk since money is important to her. Who do you think is more justifiable here? Mother? Or her daughter? Both I guess. 

3. An elder brother seeks safety and denies her adolescent sister to roam at late night, but to the girl, it is a sign of freedom. What is more important? Freedom or safety? I feel both. 

4. A granny advises her granddaughter to make pickles at home since she chooses health, while her granddaughter wants to shop it out since she chooses taste. Which gratification should win here? Health or taste? Decide yourself 🤣  

So what exactly causes the generation gap? Our most conflicting behaviors and mindsets! Here are some.

1. Inabilities of parents to talk to their children and share their own points of view and vice versa.
2. Inabilities of parents in coping with fast-paced technological developments
3. Misjudgment between both parties
4. Glorification of self-worth and self-importance by both parties
5. Competing Behavior in avoiding generational existential crisis by both parties
6. Unforgiving and over-expecting attitudes of parents         

Conflicting mindsets of different generations

Gen X and Baby Boomers: United Families, Savings over Investing, Spiritual connectivity, Gender Inequality, Gender preferences, Socialism, Superstition, Patience, contentment, Cultural, and so on and on. 

Gen Z and Alpha: Self-centric, Investing over Savings, technical connects, accepting LGBTQIA+, Women empowerment, Social media, Parapsychology, High ambitions, Impatience, freedom, self-reliance, and so on and on.

However, Gen Y or Millennia are those who carry mixed mindsets. The majority of us!

What are the Solutions? 

Honestly, there are no proven solutions or any hacks to deal with this emotional letdown. However, there are some ways that look promising to bridge this gap.  

#1: First, Accept completely

As mentioned already, the Generation Gap is a natural phenomenon and it is bound to occur inevitably. So, if you can't deny the presence of nature, how can you deny the presence of the generation gap as well? You ought to accept it. 

Instead of avoiding it, embrace it. Learn from it and pass on the same knowledge to succeeding generations. 

This is an opportunity and not an unsought discomfort. Once you accept this, things start to turn easier and more comfortable.

#2: Second, Listen empathetically

When children/teens are not attended fully by parents, they feel neglected, worthless, and anger sets in. They lose their confidence, trust, and courage to open up in the future. So, as an elder, the responsibility to JUST LISTEN to children goes with parents.

Therefore, when you sense a disagreement, stop. Allow your child to open up fully, let him/her speak freely as long as they want, and encourage them repeatedly as if you want to attend to them empathetically.

Heedful listening brings a sense of harmony and ensures the other party that he/she has been taken seriously, and now, the conclusion will be fair. And that's what they actually need!

TIPS: 

✨ Not just act to listen to them but listen to them indeed. Free yourself and sit with them.

✨ Never interrupt them until they are done 

✨ Touch them tenderly and don't sway your eyes anywhere else.  

#3: Third, Understand rationally 

Listening is half understanding already. In order to understand as a parent you need to put yourself into the child's shoes. Of course, the demand(s) might be unfair from your POV in the first place, but once you think from their (his/her) perspective, you might find it worthy.

At least once, undermine your own point of view and embrace his/her. 

This understanding gives you a standpoint as to how you must react further and handle the situation. If the demand is justifiable and worthy, disagreement ends, but if it is harmful in anyways, then the next step is communication.

Besides, try to understand the root cause (peer pressure, addiction, the wrong way, social media, etc.) of their unfair demands, rationalize them, and work on them accordingly.

TIPS: 

✨ Ask for time to understand their demands and don't react straightforward

✨ Stay honest and drop off personal ego while analyzing the demand             

#4: Fourth, Communicate nonjudgmentally 

The best way to build trust and bridge the generation gap in a family is to communicate. Makes no difference if you are parents or children, but if you want to save the relationship, then talk, talk, and only talk. Tell them what you feel or get from them what they are feeling! Misjudgment sprouts if this understanding is not there. 

Remember, the answer only comes when the question is asked. Don't let disagreement grow into discord. When you talk, conflict retreats.   

Plus, for an unfair/ harmful demand, the parent's role is to lay out all the pros and cons of it, the risks and disadvantages involved, and the complications that could happen than lashing them out with harsh, judgmental ranting.

And there is sometimes nothing wrong with saying "Ja Simran Jeele Apni Jindagi" (A famous dialogue from a Bollywood Hindi Movie). Eventually, Simran was Happy!

TIPS:

✨ Keep your tone/ voice low and comforting while communicating.

✨ Don't push the conversation too hard if the answer is not coming. Give it time, the answer comes eventually. 

✨ Keep your expressions welcoming and don't make a hostile face. 

✨ Keep the conversation short          

#5: Fifth, Express randomly

A relationship stands on four pillars: Love, Trust, Care, and Respect. And all these can't be built without the expression of each of them. The gap widens regularly if any one of these is missing and narrows if all are met.

In a relationship, you might be holding all four pillars for the opposite party, but unless you express them, most certainly, you are going to be misjudged.

So, if you love, a child or parent, tell them that you love them. If you trust, then, tell them you trust them fully and have no second doubt about his/her doing. If you care, practice it unconditionally, and if you truly respect, then learn to sacrifice your POV and embrace his/her. 

Remember, no relationship lasts without expression. 

TIPS:

✨ Child or parent, but make a habit of kissing and saying "I love you" once a day at least. 

✨ Share some memorable gifts or present just randomly and not on a special occasion (Birthday, anniversary, etc.).  

 ✨ Accept the POV of the other party and tell them "I trust you".

✨ Finding it hard to communicate? At least start virtually (Send a message and express).  

#6: Sixth, Collaborate happily 

This goes without saying that accepting our ineptitude and refraining from new changes have everything to do with our Ego. Parents find it much hard to cope with the technological revolution their children otherwise are embracing naturally. 

This gives them a sense of shame or incompetence, and that further restrains them from accepting.

However, if you let go of this refraining and happily ask your children to tutor you about technology, they will be more than inclined to teach you so and feel a connection. 

Remember, outdated things are meant to be forgotten. Stay new and you shall be celebrated. 

TIPS:

✨ Be online and ensure that you are always available for your children, make random habits to chat with them online.

✨ Learn and try to share common interests like Games, Social Media, and outdoor sports. 

✨ Use applications like "Family Link" or "Family Room" to stay connected.     

#7: Seventh, Compromise unconditionally

In the first place, no one likes to be ordered, commanded, or forced against the will, and this applies to both parties under disagreement. Dictation without listening and understanding widens the gap while compromising on own POV narrows it down most of the time. 

Out of 10, if you compromise even 5 times makes the other party happy and disagreement ends. In fact, in the future, these compromises compel other parties to rethink and they will too, start offering to compromise. 

A time will come, when out of 10 disagreements, all might have been ended, because, 5 compromises were made by the parent and the remaining 5 were done by a child.

TIPS:

✨ If you are a parent, then it is your turn first

✨ Don't show your child ever that you have sacrificed 

✨ If you are a child, and if your parent has already sacrificed more than once, then its your turn now   

#8: Eight, Connect Strongly

If all suggested ways are accepted fully by both the party, there is the thinnest chance that the gap would persist. In fact, it can abolish once the feeling of care and compromise prevail over Ego and insecurity. The connection becomes so strong that, as a child or parent, for you, your first friend will always be your father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, or in-laws.

TIPS:

✨ Greet them daily with smiling faces and never forget to talk, and this starts with you (Child or Parent). Once-a-day talk is a bare minimum, and the talk should be random and not occasional obligations.    

✨ Don't forget to touch once a day. Touch, hug, or kiss, but trade the warmth.  

✨ Child or parent, but always make a habit to appreciate the opposite party and don't criticize/ review without listening and understanding.                                               

👀Insights from Phraseitup

It would be much critical to say that Ego plays an important role in determining the size of the gap, but apart from the mental gap, in the generation gap, if one party lets go off this, then bridging this mental gap can become much easier. 

What is then required is just the willingness of both parties in order to wear each other's shoes, and once the Ego is not there, trading the shoes can be fun!

But this starts with Parents (Don't let the gap spread into a chasm).  

Further reading: 

Why Monday Blues Exist and How to Overcome Them?